Building a Bigger Box

Have you reached the outer edges of your potential? Are you outgrowing your box?

There comes a time in all of our lives, where you have a sense you’re being called to more. 

You can’t shake the feeling that you are just scratching the surface of your potential, but at the same time feel overwhelmed and confused by the seemingly infinite possibilities that lay before you (trust me, I’ve been there.) 

Often it feels impossible to make a choice, so we end up not choosing anything at all. But the irony is, not making a choice is also a choice, and that’s how we get stuck.

Thankfully there are so many tools and practises we can use to help give us the clarity we seek and the confidence we need to move forwards. To journey down a path that feels truer, and more fulfilling, than the one we are currently on.

We can spend years feeling blocked or trapped by limitations, often of our own making. It’s like we live inside an invisible box that we have no awareness of, and then one day we start to see the box clearly for what it is and we realise just how small and constricted we’ve been by the walls that surround us. With new awareness and intention, we can start to push past these limits and move to the next level.

We all have our blind spots and sometimes there may be something we just cannot see. But once we zoom out and look at things from a different perspective, it can catapult our growth and the transformations can come quickly and powerfully. 

It’s taken years of hard work (and the help of some amazing coaches) to create the repertoire of tools and practises I have now. When I was at my lowest point, I didn’t know where to turn to find the help that I needed, so it took me a really long time to figure things out (and I’m still learning…our work is never done.)  But everything I’ve learnt about the psychology of change, I now get to put into practice, in my own life and through my work as a coach.

It’s easy to get fixated on all the things you haven’t yet achieved and I am totally guilty of this. But I’m fortunate to be writing this from the beautiful island of Corfu and some time by the sea (my ultimate happy place) has helped me to create space and take a moment to reflect on just how far I’ve come. This time last year I was just a few months into my training as a coach, I’d just left my job of six years in VFX and MOOD LDN was only the seed of an idea. If you’d told me then where I would be now, I’m not sure I would have believed you. But through each step forwards, my commitment to myself and confidence has grown and I’m forever grateful for all the coaches, mentors and clients who have supported and challenged me to explore the edges of my box.

It can take hard work and effort to change our lives, but most of all it requires courage, patience and persistence. 

So the question is, what kind of box to you want to build?

Or perhaps even…

What would it be like to live life outside of the box?

Whether you’re just discovering awareness of your box, curiously exploring it’s edges or breaking completely free, I’ve compiled some of my top tips for creating lasting, sustainable change. I hope you find them helpful.

1. If you want to change your life, change your mindset.

I’m not just talking about thinking positive thoughts. Making drastic changes that last requires a fundamental identity shift. To change your world, you need to change the way you see your world and yourself. Coaches love to refer to this as a paradigm shift. Often we’re not even aware of the paradigms we’re in. There’s a sort of zooming out process that happens where we gain new awareness of the parameters within which we’ve been living; the container that may be protecting us or limiting us (or both). With new awareness we can make new choices and in doing so, increase the scope of our potential. 

2. Don’t focus on the things you want, focus on the person you need to become.

We tend to be really good at obsessing over the things we want. It’s easy to think about our goals and our desired outcome, but much harder to think about the journey we need to go on to get there. We want to save the money, lose the weight, quit smoking, get sober etc etc. and we rely on our willpower to help us get there, which inevitably doesn’t work. Willpower creates a sense of deprivation. In order to achieve your goal, you have to make a sacrifice and give up something you enjoy. Or push yourself to do something you hate. I don’t know about you but there’s nothing I hate more than being forced to do something I hate!

Instead of focusing on the outcome or behaviour itself, focus on the person you need to become. 

Ask yourself:

Who would I be if I was the best, healthiest, fullest expression of myself?
How would I feel as this person?
What would I wear?
What would I say to myself?
What habits and behaviours have I cultivated?

And importantly…
What choices did I make to get there?

Don’t underestimate the power of this subtle reframe. If you want to take up running, start to identify as a runner. On the days when you’re tired and aching and want to stay in bed, ask yourself: what would a runner do?

The answer is clear, a runner will run.

3. Break the Cycle of Shame 

Bad habits have a way of coming back to haunt us. They can feel hard to break which means it’s easy to find ourselves stuck in a loop of self-blame and criticism. All this negative self-talk keeps us trapped in a cycle of shame...

• We do the bad thing

• We feel guilty about doing the bad thing

• We want to avoid thinking about the fact that we did the bad thing

• We do the bad thing again as it creates a feeling of temporary relief from our shame

And on and on the cycle continues.

When it comes to creating lasting behaviour change, these thoughts are unhelpful at best and damaging to our self-esteem at worst. If we’re not careful the shame cycle can last a lifetime. It creates an illusion that it’s impossible to change, which means we may get to a point where we stop trying all together. But by focusing on step 2, we can actually change our behaviour slowly and intentionally which will lead to a different outcome and experience of life.

4. You don’t need to have it all figured out

Human beings typically don’t like uncertainty. So when thinking about making change, it’s natural for us to want to have all the steps figured out. We crave clarity, visibility and a sense of certainty that things are going to work out, so we get stuck in the planning stage but never actually move to doing. I’m not saying don’t do your research, strategise or make a plan (you should absolutely do all of those things), but if you’re doing all of that work and wondering why nothing is actually happening, chances are you are focusing too much on the wrong tasks that won’t actually propel you forwards. The best way to get the clarity you seek is by taking action. By exploring, experimenting, iterating and learning. You don’t need to have all the steps figured out, so if you’re feeling stuck ask yourself what is the first step I need to take? The next step will reveal itself through the process of you taking action.

5. Direction is more important than speed.

When we decide we want to make changes, we often throw ourselves whole heartedly into the endeavour with the expectation that the more we throw at it, the more likely we are to see results, at speed. In a world where we’re so used to instant gratification, we crave quick fixes and desperately grasp at whatever we can leverage to drive the results we want. But our impatience is misguided. Sometimes it does result in us gathering speed, but before we can stop to catch our breath, we realise we’ve moved 100 miles in completely the wrong direction. 

Slow down to speed up, go at your own pace and connect back to your vision regularly to make sure you’re on the right track. If you stray off course, don’t worry. See it as an opportunity to realign, readjust and re-centre.

6. Trust your Intuition

What do you already know that you’re going to find out in a year? Your intuition is like your internal compass. We are notoriously bad at listening to it. We try to talk ourselves out of the things we feel in our gut. It’s easy to get attached to certain outcomes, so much so that we choose to ignore the red flags when they come. Next time your intuition calls, answer it. Take the time to be still, get close to it, explore it and ask it what it’s telling you. Are your alarm bells ringing simply because you’re scared about doing something new, or is your inner knowing telling you that something is off? The more we learn to trust ourselves, the more our power grows.

It can be quite confronting to transform ourselves. It requires us to examine, with an open heart and honesty, who we really are. This is where a coach can be helpful, to act as a mirror reflecting back the things you cannot see about yourself. Every time you learn something new about yourself, it’s like unlocking a new level in the game of life. Your curiosity is always rewarded. But if there’s only one thing you take away from this newsletter, let it be this…

It’s never too late to make a change. You don’t have to rip your whole life up and throw it into the flames just because something’s not working (although you might). But perhaps a lighter and more sustainable approach to change is to take the time, however long is required, to get really clear on where you want to go. Then with courage and commitment, take tiny steps forward every day in the direction of your desires, offering kindness and compassion to yourself as you go. Trusting that your intuition will guide you and remembering to look back often and reflect on how far you’ve come. And feel proud of the fact that you took that first step and decided to embark on the journey of a lifetime. A journey to the edges of your box, and beyond.

Lauren x

I hope you enjoyed this read, if you did, below are some other ways to connect with me & read my work. Thank you very much for subscribing to CURRENT MOOD, your support means the world. ❤️

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